You crash into a small room with some old guy in a lab coat. "Holy fuck!" he says as you demolish the wall. "Hi!" you say cheerfully. "Uh, hi," he says, unsure as to what he should do. Eventually, he decides to go the cowardly route. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" he cries. How pathetic. His crying is getting on your nerves.\n\nShould you [[kill him out of spite|FIRST BLOOD]], or [[let the pathetic swine live|let live]]?
Oh dear, you yanked too hard and pulled your penis out of your body. Ouch.\n\nAs you lay there, slowly bleeding to death, your blood pouring out of your groin, your screams turning to hoarse rasps, you can't help but wonder if this is some sort of heavenly retribution for masturbating.\n\nNah, you're just an idiot.\n\nNow go back and make a decision that isn't completely idiotic.
How dare he insult your lord and savior!\n\nYou rip the man open and start throwing organs everywhere. "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR INSULTIN' JAAAAAAAAYZUS, YOU LITTLE BITCH!" you scream as you rip the man apart from the inside. Suddenly, you become hungry. You look around for something to eat, and spot the man's liver. You nom it greedily. "NOM NOM NOM!" is the sound you make, and it is a glorious noise.\n\nNow, let's [[go outside]], shall we?
Your rip into the pathetic whiner, literally. Blood and organs fly everywhere as the scientist screams. Well, at least until you rip out his lungs. Finally, you pull out his heart and start eating it.\n\nWho knew hearts could be so delicious?\n\nNow then, you should get out of here.\n\nOh, look, there's a door, why not [[try it|exit through the door]]?
[[But thou must|FIRST BLOOD]]!
You wake up to find yourself in total darkness. Might wanna do something about that, mate. Perhaps you could turn on the [[light|The Marvelous Adventure of DEATH AND DESTRUCTION (also kittens)]]?
You fumble around a bit. Nope, nothing. What about here? Nope. There? No, that's your penis, and yanking on it won't make the lights go on, no matter how good it might feel. Well, you could [[try anyway|DEATH ONE]], you know, if you're an idiot.\n\nHm. Maybe it would help if you [[got out of bed]]?
You follow the crowd going right.\n\nThe deaths are many.\n\nOrgans and blood fly everywhere.\n\nThen you happen upon a large, white van.\n\nPeople are behind it, men in white lab coats.\n\nAnd they're holding...\n\n...\n\nThey're holding a [[basket of kittens]]...
Kittens!\n\nThey're...!\n\nThey're...!\n\nTHEY'RE SO CUTE!\n\nYou run to the basket and hold the kittens to your chest.\n\nYou pet them as they mew so adorably.\n\nSo cute, so cute, so cu...\n\nThere is a pain in your shoulder.\n\nYou don't care, you have kittens!\n\\n\nYou fall asleep.\n\nYou wake up to find yourself in total darkness...\n\nTHE END?
You make small talk with the voice. Eventually, you fall in love and ask it to marry you, but the voice is already married.\n\nYou die of a broken heart. How tragic.\n\nBest go back and make a decision that won't cause heartbreak.
You try the door. Surprisingly, it's not locked, so you open it and find yourself in a hallway. In the hallway is an old guy in a lab coat looking at a clipboard. Hearing the door open, he looks up at you. "JESUS FUCK!" How rude!\n\nShould you [[kill him|RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II]], or [[let him live]]?
The Marvelous Adventure of DEATH AND DESTRUCTION (also kittens)
You decide to follow the crowd going left. You soon come across a bunch of soldiers and tanks. "Hold it right there, scumbag!" They say these things, but you do not understand them. How can you understand them? The thrill of killing is still on your breath, like alcohol.\n\nExcept alcohol isn't nearly as sweet.\n\nYou hop in a tank and shred everybody in it to pieces. With that starts a path of death and destrction that lasts 20 long years. The city you started in was reduced to rubble by both you and the various forces trying to kill you within the first year. Then you went on tour, so to speak. Nobody was safe. You left New York isolated and in ruins after they sealed off the city and started air raids. You just swam across the Hudson to the mainland. Toronto, San Francisco, LA, Topeka, it didn't matter to you, so long as death was all around you. Then you went outside North America. Mexico City, Havana, Buenos Aires, then London, Paris, Moscow, Vladivostok, Beijing, Pyongyang, Seoul, and everywhere inbetween. Finally, in India, you were caught.\n\nA [[basket of kittens]]...
[[But thou must!|RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II]]
You get out of the bed and stand up. Suddenly, the lights come on to reveal you aren't in your room! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!\n\nInstead, you are in a small white room. A voice suddenly crackles over the PA system speaker in the corner. "Good morning, test subject. How are you this morning?"\n\nYou have three choices. You can [[make small talk|DEATH TWO]], [[break down the wall]], or try to [[exit through the door]]. Your choice.
You step outside and see a vast city in front of you.\n\nSomebody screams and points at you.\n\nAll you want them to do is shut up.\n\nJust shut up.\n\nShut up!\n\nSHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!\n\nBefore you know it, organs are are flying everywhere as you kill people. The entire crowd is screaming and running in two directions. You feel compelled to follow them all, but you can't go both directions at once.\n\nDo you want to go [[left]] or [[right]]?