Von Arschloch grins.\n\n"Your honor, it is quite simple. This is explained if we simply account for the possibility this was meant to also take the defendant's life. A form of suicide. Why take the trailer park down with her? Bcause she hated that trailer park."\n\n"OBJECTION!" you scream. "You have no evidence to support your theory!"\n\n"Oh, don't I? Then why don't we ask her about that? I call [[Incendie Brand to the stand|inctest]]! Oh,how delightful, that rhymes!"
"According to forensics, the final bodycount is 74."\n\n[[NEXT|dicktest5]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"No, nothing else, you honor."\n\nA week later, Incendie successfully commits suicide in prison.\n\nYou've failed.
Hm, you must have missed something. You'll have [[go through the testimony again|dicktest1]].
"So do you know the prosecutor's name?"\n\nYou think about who it could possibly be. Edgeworth? Franziska?\n\n"Some foreign guy. Can't remember his name, though. Thought he was a girl at first. Fuckin' prissy little foreigners..."\n\n"Okay, well, thanks for your time."\n\nYou decide to [[go back|meetpros]] to the office and prepare.
The inferno rises.\n\nEvery trailer is engulfed in the flames.\n\nThere is a young woman laying amongst the flames.\n\nSirens wail.\n\nUnder the dark smoke, the girl has given up hope, and utters what she thinks will be her last words.\n\n[["Fuck, I'm going to die."|die]]
You pick up the paper.\n\nApparently it's an invoice for a fuckton of kerosene. No, literally, it says 'fuckton of kerosene' on the invoice.\n\nIt is apparently for one Incendiario Brandstifer.\n\nYou wonder, who could have possibly perpetrated this heinous crime?\n\nAs you frolick back out, one of the gun traps goes off and the bullet barely misses your head. The police don't notice because they're more incompetent than the Clarksburg Police Department. Quite an accomplishment, if you think about it.\n\nFinally, you [[exit]].
"I don't even have the means to do it."\n\n[[NEXT|brantest3]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|finalobj]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"Accusin' me is just nonsense."\n\n[[NEXT|brantestr]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"I didn't start that fire, man."\n\n[[NEXT|brantest2]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"OBJECTION!" you scream, pointing dramatically.\n\n"What?!" the judge says.\n\n"Uh..."\n\nThe judge slaps you upside the head.\n\n"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! THAT WAS WRONG! YOU'RE WRONG! YOU GAVE THE WRONG EVIDENCE! TRY AGAIN, MOTHERFUCKER!"\n\nYou are hit with a penalty so huge, it collapses into a black hole.\n\nEveryone's dead now, thanks to you, asshole.\n\nNo go back and do it right!
You won the case.\n\nIncendie went on with her life and moved into a nice apartment building where people didn't care about her homosexuality.\n\nOtto von Arschloch, ashamed at his defeat, committed seppuku, the racist bastard. That's cultural appropriation!\n\nAs for you, you went on to win the lottery. Ha, just kidding, you ended up becoming a hobo.\n\nTHE END
"I admit it. I hated living there. Everybody hated me because I'm a lesbian. All of those pieces of garbage stepped all over me. I couldn't move away. That trailer was all I could afford! That stupid fucking trailer!"\n\n"It also says in the diary you've attempted suicide, is this true?"\n\n"Y-yes..."\n\n"There you have it, your honor. Incendie Brand, in an attempt to end her own life and take all her tormenters with her, set the fire. In doing so, she ended up killing everybody except herself and one other person."\n\n"NO! It didn't happen like that!"\n\n"I've heard enough," the judge says. "I'm ready to deliver my verdict, if the defense has nothing else to offer."\n\nYou can't let it end like this!\n\nBut you're not sure if you have anything else to go on!\n\n[[Do you?|realize]]\n\n[[Or is this a lost cause?|gu]]
You arrive at the court and immediately head to the courtroom lounge.\n\nWhen you get there, Incendie is already in the room.\n\n"OH MY GOD YOU'RE HERE I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE I WAS AFRAID YOU WOULDN'T SHOW UP BUT NOW YOU'RE HERE SO DO A GOOD JOB PLEASE!"\n\nIf your hair wasn't already styled as it is, her screams would make it so.\n\n"Calm down. We'll do fine."\n\nYou're not so sure about that. You still haven't figured out who the arsonist is yet, and you only have one piece of evidence to present. Going through your pocket to find it, you come upon the picture you took of the trailer. Like that's going to be of any use in court.\n\nThe bailiff comes in. "Court is about to commence!"\n\n[[Better go, then|court]].
<html><h1>FEELINGS ABOUT THE TRAILER PARK</h1></html>\n\n\n\n\n[[Go!|inctest1]]
You go in the courtroom and sit down.\n\nVon Arschloch is across from you, grinning menacingly.\n\nThe judge bangs his gavel.\n\n"Court is now in session!"\n\nYou shift nervously in your chair.\n\n"Let us begin with opening statements. Prosecution?"\n\nVon Arschloch stands up. "The defendant is guilty!"\n\n"Good. Defense?"\n\n"The defendant is innocent!"\n\n"Very good, then. Prosecution, you may choose your witness."\n\n"[[I calle Detective Dick Gumshoe to the stand!|dick]]"
You joyously frolick across the room, skillfully dodging tripwires.\n\n"WHEEEEEEEEE I'M FROLICKING I'M FROLICKING!" you shout.\n\nAfter this masterful display, you arrive at the [[paper]].
"OBJECTION!" you scream, pointing dramatically.\n\n"You say you didn't have the means to do it? This paper says you're lying."\n\nYou show the court the invoice.\n\n"WHAT?! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?! YOU REALLY WERE SNOOPING THROUGH MY THINGS, WEREN'T YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!"\n\n"According to this invoice, one fuckton of kerosene was delivered to you!"\n\n"Welp, that about settles it for me," says the judge.\n\n"I find the defendant, Incendie Brand, [[NOT GUILTY|ng]]!"
"Gumshoe," says von Arschloch, "can you tell us the circumstances of this heinous crime?"\n\n"[[Sure thing, pal!|dicktesti]]"
"So why did you arrest Incendie Brand?\n\n"She was the only one who could've done it! She was the only one here! Well, except the dead people, and our witness."\n\n"Dead people?"\n\n"Yeah, everybody in the park died except her and the witness, as far as we know. Our current count is 63, but forensics is still investigating and finding bodies, so it's probably more than that."\n\n"And the witness?"\n\n"Oh, he's, uh, HEY WAIT JUST A SECOND!I can't tell you about the witness!"\n\nDamn.\n\n"So what caused it?"\n\n"Apparently, somebody spread some sort of accelerant all around the trailer park, even splashed it on a few trailers. With all the dry debris around here, it spread really quickly."\n\n"Thanks, Gumshoe."\n\nYou should [[look around some more.|investlook]]
<html><h1>THE TRAILER PARK INFERNO</h1></html>\n\n\n\n\n[[Go!|dicktest1]]
As soon as you exit the trailer, you are greeted by a fat, bald man in a muscle shirt, with a bandolier across his chest.\n\n"What the FUCK were you doing in my house?!"\n\nYou panic for a bit.\n\n"Uh, sorry. I was, er, lost and the door opened and I went in to see if somebody was home and OH GOD PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"\n\n"I believe you," he says.\n\n"Really?"\n\n"Sure. Now who are you?"\n\n"Phoenix Wright. I'm a defense attorney. You?"\n\n"Incendiario Brandstifer."\n\n"Mind if I ask you a few questions?"\n\n"Sorry, but the prosecutor asked me not to speak to no defense attorneys."\n\nYou quietly seethe with rage against [[the prosecutor|despros]].
As you're about to wave goodbye to Gumshoe and leave the trailer park, you hear somebody scream, "[[HOLD IT!|meetpros2]]"
Phoenix Wright: Trailer Park Inferno
"CALM DOWN WOMAN!" you shout as you slap her.\n\n"I am your attorney! Here, look at this!"\n\nYou present your badge.\n\nShe immediately starts to giggle.\n\n"Aren't you a little old to be playing with toys?"\n\n[[Urgh|urgh]].
As you look around the ruins, you see a trailer that has been completely untouched by the fire. You make a note of the address: 404. You immediately take a picture, because you have a trailer fetish. To each his own, I suppose.\n\nWhen you go inside, you are assaulted by a hatchet, which misses completely.\n\nImmediately you realize that this house has traps in it.\n\nOn the other side of the room, there is a paper. It could be important evidence.\n\nYou could [[frolick across the room|frol]].\n\nOr you could be rational and [[carefully cross the room|care]].
"It's obvious she did it, sir, as the only other survivor was in his house the whole time!"\n\n[[NEXT|dicktestr]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"Now, then, Miss Brand, would you kindly [[tell the court about your feelings on the trailer park|inctesti]]?"\n\nYou silently prepare yourself to deal with anything that comes up in the testimony.
"Uh, that's just some cooking oil, your honor!"\n\n"Really? Then why does it smell of lemons? And why were you cooking with it out where it could get splashed with the oil?"\n\n"I was, uh, frying lemons, and I like to look at pictures of trailers while I cook. It, um, inspires me."\n\n"Oh, alright. It IS a very inspiring picture, I suppose."\n\nWhew.\n\n"Anyways, what this picture proves is that this trailer survived the fire! Also, I know for a fact this trailer does not belong to the defendant! It belongs to the other survivor of the fire! If the defendant really did this, why did she spare THIS trailer and not her own?!"\n\nThe judge appears to be thinking.\n\n"That is a good point. Prosecution, [[your response|respond]]?"
You take a seat.\n\n"Hello," you say, "I am Phoenix Wright. I'll be yo-"\n\n"HELP OH MY GOD THERE WAS A FIRE AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE BUT I DIDN'T AND NOW THE POLICE ARE ACCUSING ME OF STARTING THE FIRE CALLAFUCKINGATTORNEYRIGHTNOWDEARSWEETJAYZUS!"\n\nLooks like it's time to [[present your badge|badge]].
"Well, the fire department got the call at about 9:30 PM."\n\n[[NEXT|dicktest2]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"By the time they got there, though, it was too late to save anybody but the defendant, and one other person."\n\n[[NEXT|dicktest3]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"Every trailer was torched."\n\n[[NEXT|dicktest4]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|dicktestfinal]]
You turn to see who it is.\n\n"So we finally meet, Phoenix Wright!"\n\nIt's an older man in weird clothes, and he has a German accent.\n\n"Seriously?! ANOTHER ONE?!" you shout.\n\n"What? What is it?"\n\n"WHAT IS WITH ALL THESE GERMAN PROSECUTORS?! SERIOUSLY, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU ALL COME FROM?!"\n\n"Germany, you idiot."\n\n"[[Fucking smartass|smartass]]," you mumble under your breath.\n\n"What was that, geliebte?"\n\n"Nothing, nothing!" you lie.
"Listen, I need to know what happened."\n\n"Alright, I'll [[tell you everything I know|defdct]]. By the way, my name's Incendie, Incendie Brand.
You return to your office and wait for [[the next day|tomorrow]].
<html><h1>I DIDN'T DO IT</h1></html>\n\n\n\n\n\n[[Go!|brantest1]]
You know you can get him with some evidence! You just gotta [[try harder|brantest1]]!
"I didn't hate living in the trailer park."\n\n[[NEXT|inctest2]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"Incendie Brand, can you name this survivalist you mentioned?"\n\n"Yes. His name is Incendiario Brandstifer."\n\nOF COURSE!\n\n"Mr. Wright, what was the importance of that question?" the judge asks.\n\n"Your honor, this is extremely important! Incendiario Brandstifer is the only other survivor of the fire! Not to mention, his trailer is the only one that survived the fire!"\n\n"Your point?"\n\n"Don't you think it's weird that she didn't make sure her worst harasser perished? Or at least that his house burned down?"\n\n"I see your point."\n\n"[[OBJECTION!|obj]]"
Wait a minute! A survivalist?\n\nCould it be...?\n\n"I'll take that silence to mean you have nothing. I find the defendant, Incendie Brand-"\n\n"HOLD IT!" you scream.\n\n"What is it now, Mr. Wright?"\n\n"Your honor, I have one question to ask the defendant!"\n\nThe judge sighs.\n\n"[[Ask away.|ask]]"
While carefully crossing the room, you step on a tripwire and get shot.\n\nThen you die.
"OBJECTION!" screams the prosecutor.\n\nOh no.\n\n"We do have evidence. I present the defendant's diary, recovered from the burned out trailer!"\n\nIncendie's face has gone pale.\n\n"How did you find that?!" she says, trembling.\n\n"Here's an entry from a month ago. Dear diary, I hate this place. I hate living here. The constant harassment I receive from the locals for my sexuality is the worst, especially from that survivalist prick. I-"\n\n"ENOUGH!"\n\nIncendie's crying now.\n\n"[[I can't take it!|hate]]"
"Yes, prosecution?"\n\n"Your honor, this is ridiculous! Obviously, Brand could have just simply not realized the flames never reached Brandstifer's trailer. She was in the middle of the fire, after all!"\n\n"That is also a valid point. It seems I am at a standstill. However, if Brand didn't do it, who did?"\n\nSomething dawns on you.\n\n"Your honor, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to accuse Incendiario Brandstifer!"\n\n"What?! Mr. Wright! you can't just go accusing people when they can't defend themselves!"\n\n"Your honor, I'd like to give him a chance to do just that," says Arschloch, grinning. "I call [[Incendiario Brandstifer|bran]] to the stand!"
You arrive on the scene of the crime. It is a trailer park, burned to a crisp.\n\n"HEY, PAL! THIS IS A CRIME SCENE!"\n\nYou'd know that voice anywhere.\n\n"Gumshoe?"\n\nHe looks at you confusedly for a second. Same old Gumshoe, ditzy and scruffy as ever.\n\n"HEY! "It's YOU! What are YOU doing here, pal?!"\n\n"I'm here investigating for a client."\n\n"Oh. Right. I figured as much." He laughs.\n\n"Right..."\n\nYou should probably [[ask some questions|askgum]].
"Now then! I am Otto von Arschloch, and I have travelled from Germany to this country all to defeat you, the legend! The one who defeated Edgeworth! Von Karma! The Prodigy, Franziska! I knew I had to come and defeat you myself!"\n\n"[[Whatever|meh]]."\n\nYou turn and walk away, leaving the prosecutor flabbergasted.
You are Phoenix Wright, an ace attorney, in case you couldn't tell by the title of this game.\n\nEarlier, you recieved a call from a new client. Unwilling to live on instant noodles like a lowly detective, you take the case and fly to the detention center, 'cause you're a phoenix and all. Wait, that's not how it works? Oh, FINE, you WALK to the detention center, you [[picky prick|prick]].
"OBJECTION!" you shout, pointing dramatically.\n\n"Detective Gumshoe! There is a major contradiction in your statement just then!"\n\n"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"\n\n"You see, not all the trailers burned down! This photo proves it!"\n\nYou present the picture you took to the court.\n\n"I took this photo just yesterday!"\n\n"Oh, what a lovely picture! But what's this oil stain here?" the judge says.\n\n[[Oh shit.|oil]]
"Like my attorney said, you have no evidence."\n\n[[NEXT|prosob]]\n\n<html><h3>PRESENT:</h3></html>\n\n[[Badge|fail]]\n\n[[Invoice|fail]]\n\n[[Picture|fail]]
"That night, I was in my trailer, reading a Nicholas Sparks novel."\n\n"Ew, you like Nicholas Sparks?" you say, disgusted.\n\n"IT'S A GUILTY PLEASURE, OKAY?! Anyways, I smelled some smoke, and I looked up, and there was a raging inferno outside my window! I ran out to try to escape, but I couldn't. I was caught in the middle of a fire with no way out!"\n\n"So how did you get out?" you say, all bewildered and such.\n\n"Well, the fire department came just in time. They found me and took me out of the fire."\n\n"Did you see anything suspicious?" you say, saltily. Wait, is that even a word?\n\n"Nope. Like I said, I was just reading, then I tried to escape."\n\n"Well, thanks for your time."\n\nYou believe that's all you're going to get out of her.\n\nYou should probably [[investigate the scene of the crime|invest]].
"Mr. Brandstifer, please testify to the court as to why you couldn't have done this crime!"\n\n"[[Sure thing.|brantesti]]"