Scissorman the Relucant Serial Killer

by Evil Roda

Originally posted on Archive of Our Own and Neocities October 31, 2019

My name is Bobby Barrows, and I love big, fat titties. A giant pair of honkers is the most glorious thing in the universe. If a girl had a nine foot dick and a nice pair of DDDs, I'd let her fuck me in the ass so long as I could touch those wonderful boobies as she did it. In my youth, I had a lot of fun with girls. They used to call me Scissorman because I used to cut open girls' shirts and bras with a massive pair of garden shears. Even the thought of seeing those melons fills me with joy.

Unfortunately, I had a stroke. My youthful charms and ability to communicate clearly were gone, and so were the opportunities to see the knockers I craved. Years went by, and all I could think of were titties. I had to have them! I even hired an assistant with my massive fortune, but alas, the agency I went through sent me a flat chested wench named Mary. I don't want to be too hard on her, she was a good assistant, but her chest was flat as a board. Then, one day, my luck turned, or so I thought. An orphanage was being built just a few miles down the road! I quickly formulated a plan. I could adopt a few teenagers for a while, and send them back when I had finished with them. Brilliant! So, I pulled my old garden shears out and told Mary to find me four girls with the biggest tits she could find. It took mountains of paperwork, but finally, one day, they arrived...

"Excuse me, I have to get Mr. Barrows," said Mary. I watched her leave the parlor. Through the peephole in the wall between my office and the room, I could see that Mary had exceeded my expectations. Sitting there were four girls with big, beautiful tracts of land. I was drooling.

"I wonder what kind of man Mr. Barrows is," said a girl with a white shirt and a blue skirt held up with equally blue straps that went over her soft mounds. "This is a nice mansion, though."

"Don't you know, Jennifer?" said a girl in a loose red sweater that covered her mountains, but not loose enough to hide their amazing size.

"Know what, Lotte?"

"This is the house of Scissorman, the serial killer!" said the girl whose name was apparently Lotte. "They say the ghosts of his victims haunt this place!"

"Stop it, Lotte, you're scaring her!" said a girl in a blue dress that accentuated her perky sweater pups in the most amazing way possible.

"Relax, Laura, I'm just joking."

"Yeah, well, it's not nice."

"Laura's right. I don't think it's very kind of you to say such things to Jennifer," said another girl in a brown dress which draped over her basketball bazoongas tantalizingly.

"Oh come on, Ann, not you, too!" said Lotte, her chest expanding as she let out a heavy sigh. I couldn't wait to snip away that sweater!

The door to my office opened, revealing Mary. "Sir, the girls are here."

"Yes, yes, I know! I'll be out in a second!" I said, except I couldn't talk very well anymore, so it came out more like, "Yarhe yah ino! Iwhbahout innnasakhund!"

"Alright," said Mary as she left, closing the door behind her. Suddenly, the lights flickered. The wiring in the old manor was acting up again. Finally, the lights went out completely.

"Ominous," I heard Lotte say.

"Whatever, Lotte. I'm going to go find Mary, she's been taking a while. Maybe she knows where the breakers are," said Jennifer, her boobies bouncing as she stood up and walked out. Perhaps it was time to introduce myself, I thought as I grabbed my shears and went through the secret door to the parlor.

My entrance was not well received, to say the least. I was certainly not the looker I used to be, and, well, the shears may have been a little foreboding. Hindsight is 20/20, but at the time, I didn't realize they'd just scream and run off. I tried to call after them, but to no avail. "Lotte! Ann! Laura! Come back!" I shouted, but it came out more like, "Wottanaura hubahnk!" Damned stroke. Not one of them stopped running, so I had to go looking for them.

After what seemed like hours, I finally caught up to Ann. I found her hiding in the crawlspace above the main entrance hall. I say crawlspace, but it was five and a half feet tall, so both Ann and I could stand upright in it. Just so you know, I'm actually six and a half feet tall, it's just that since the stroke, I was constantly hunched over.

So anyway, I opened the door, and there she was, cowering. She screamed. I tried to say, "Don't worry, darling, I don't want to hurt you!" Unfortunately, it came out more like, "Dunnryaring, Idoon wanna urtoo!" She just screamed harder and backed closer to the stained glass circle in the cieling above the entrance hall. Perhaps if I harmlessly cut open her dress, she'd realize I was a kind gentleman, I thought. So, I jumped forward, deftly opening and closing my scissors, intending to make a vertical cut in her dress, also cutting her bra at the same time. In my youth, this would have been a perfect movement, causing her bountiful harvest to spill out, and creating a wonderful feast for my eyes. Alas, the stroke took my coordination as well, and my scissors cut nothing but air. Instead, I jumped, scissors closed in front of me, right into Ann's abdomen. I was horrified and helpless as we both sailed through the air and onto the stained glass, which promptly broke, and into the entrance hall below.

We landed. I looked down at Ann, who must have broken my fall, as I was completely uninjured. As for Ann, well, my shears were sticking out of her abdomen and it was a pretty bad fall through some glass, so when I looked at her face and saw that her eyes were half open and she had blood coming out of her mouth, it was no surprise she didn't make it, the poor girl.

I had no time to mourn the loss of such a well-endowed young woman, though, as I heard a scream. I looked up and saw it was Jennifer! before I could even open my mouth to speak, she had run out of the room. My legs weren't what they used to be, either, so I couldn't run after her. All I could do was continue looking for the other girls so I could rectify this whole situation.

I next encountered Laura in one of the second floor bathrooms. I opened the door and looked around, but didn't see anybody. I was about to leave, but then I heard a whimper from behind the shower curtain. I drew it back, and there was Laura. She screamed and ran to the window.

"Stay back!" she shouted. Of course, I could not heed her command. I'll be honest, I was completely titty starved after the incident with Ann. Of course, when have titties not defused a bad situation like this? One quick snip of the shirt should solve this, I thought.

I lunged forward, attempting a horizontal cut just below the breasts. Once again, the stroke had cursed my aim, and instead, I cut her across the belly. Laura screamed as her guts began to spill out. Before I could do anything else, she leaned against the window and broke through, falling to the ground. I looked down, and saw her body, unmoving. In the darkness, I saw another head poke out of the window below me.

"Laura!" she screamed. I recognized the voice as Jennifer's. She looked up at me, and screamed again before pulling her head back in, presumably running off.

I continued wandering the house, chasing the sound of running. I ended up in the parlor. I could feel a presence there. Suddenly, I realized why. The sound of panicked breathing was coming from behind the curtains. Either it was the curtain, or one of the girls was there. I carefully stepped up and threw back the curtains with my blades. There was Lotte.

She screamed and threw a punch, but in her panic, she missed. If I was going to calm her down, I had to cut her shirt open, and quick. I snipped, but instead of the sight of sweet gum drops, I was greeted with a spurt of blood from her throat. No! I had to see those hams! I didn't care if they had blood all over them at this point, I needed the gorgeous, majestic sight of some baby feeders. I snipped at her again, but my clumsiness only caused her head to come off completely.

Just then, the door opened behind me. The rest of Lotte's body hit the floor with a thud. I looked behind me. It was Jennifer again. "It's not what it looks like!" I tried to say, but it came out more like, "Ishnawa ahwooli!" With a scream, Jennifer once again fled the room.

I kept searching for her for what seemed like hours. The only place I hadn't looked was the clock tower. Surely she wouldn't have gone in there? I opened the door and looked up to the maintanence platform. No, no, a girl like that wouldn't go all the way up there, I thought. Suddenly, there was a scream over the sound of the gears turning above. I looked up to see someone falling down, landing with a splat in front of me. It was Mary. What was she doing up there? Ah, well, no great loss, I reasoned. Like I said earlier, good assistant, but flat as a board. Then, I heard another scream from above. That must've been Jennifer!

I climbed up the ladder and onto the platform and saw Jennifer staring at at the hole in the floor Mary fell through. I'd have to get a contractor to fix that rotted floor, I thought. I had bigger priorities, though, and they were affixed to Jennifer's chest!

Jennifer looked up at me and screamed, slowly backing away as I advanced toward her. She backed against the railing of the platform. Jennifer, my last hope of seeing big, bountiful melons! I had to be careful. I got into the perfect position, judged the distance, and snipped.

I almost missed and caught her flesh, I must confess. But luckily, she leaned back at the last second. I caught the blue straps of her skirt. Now severed, they fell away, and those beautiful milk bags spilled out of her shirt! This girl wasn't even wearing a bra! I took one look at her Grand Tetons and nearly fainted from excitement.

Suddenly, I could feel something eminating from my chest. To my shock and amazement, I started glowing and levitating. I could feel myself getting younger, the effects of the stroke reversing, my vitality returning! I gently floated to the ground and opened my eyes. Jennifer looked at me with both terror and confusion.

"Jennifer, my dear! You've cured me! You and your breasts!" I said.

"What the Hell is going on here?!" she screamed.

"Nothing short of a miracle! You see, many years ago, I had a stroke. In the years since, I've been so starved of the one thing in the world I truly love, giant titties! So I sent for four girls from your orphanage, and now that I've seen your bountiful chest, I've been cured!"

"So you brutally murdered my friends because you were trying to look at their tits?!"

"Well, when you put it like that-"

Suddenly, Jennifer slapped me, hard. So hard, I flew threw the air, over the railing, and plunged to the depths below.